I haven’t really talked too much about my personal life lately, and I think maybe it is time to write about it. I always seem to be able to say what I want when I’m writing an entry, but when I want to say this to Mark, I can never seem to find the courage to tell him how I feel. I know part of the reason I can’t say/talk to this to him is because I don’t have the courage to do so, but more of it is because I don’t want to scare him.
Sometimes I know that I can be pretty demanding, especially when it comes to me liking someone (eg: Mark.) My last relationship, I lived with the guy for a year and some odd months. Because of that there’s a lot of little things I expect, because I’m just used to it. I’m not saying I’m comparing Mark to someone I’ve dated before, but just rather what I want.
For the past few days I’ve really wanted to know about how he feels about where “we’re” going. I want to know if we’ll be exclusive to each other only. That’s what I want, because I feel like I’m ready to get into a relationship [with him.] I just don’t want to say something, and have it all crumble around me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love how things are between us right now, and I hate feeling like that’s not enough, because it is enough… But… I do want more. I feel like I’m going to sound so crazy, but I want to know that I’m his only, and for him to know he’s my only.
Since I can’t seem to talk to this to him in person nor through instant messenger, I might just e-mail him. I feel ridiculous right now, because my mind is swimming with so much I want to say to him, I’m just so scared that I’m going to screw it up by telling him how I feel. That it’s going to scare him away, and we’ll talk less, see each other less, because I’m getting too close.
On a different note, I really love New Found Glory‘s latest album, Oxygen. I have a few favorite tracks: Make Your Move, Oxygen, and On My Mind.
A few snippets I really enjoy:
New Found Glory – On My Mind
But the time we spent was so short
Can’t believe it’s time to go again
You’re always on my mind, all the time
On my mind, believe it
New Found Glory – Too Good To Be
You have my heart in your hands
You have my heart so don’t, don’t let it go
Check my pressure
Patch me up right, you’re too good to be
Wow.. This situation is rather ‘scary’ to me, sometimes.. It makes you so confused, yet pretty sure. Kind of thing.
Yeah, it’s difficult talking about stuffs like this in person, I agree. I always feel kinda stupid after I talk about to straight to the face.. It’s always easier to be slightly secretive, if that’s the word.
Whatever the situation may be, I wish you good luck with Mark!
You should be as open as possible and just come right out with whatever you want to say! I don’t think Mark would snatch back at you or take it the wrong way (at least I hope not).
Never be afraid to ask questions no matter how crazy they might be. The one thing I’m amazed at is how people in relationships continue to be afraid of saying things in fear of who knows what. Seriously, if you’re always feeling like that… then you don’t belong with that person. You, and the same goes for the other, have to be understanding and open and yet when I don’t see that, they wonder why they have so many issues!? /sarcasm
Don’t worry though, I’m not actually talking about you, I’m just generalizing what I’m always seeing. I wish you the best! and hopefully all will go well with you two 🙂